Tales of the Parodyverse

Post By

killer shrike gets mushy
Sun Nov 06, 2005 at 05:37:08 pm EST
Subject
Strong Suit, Part Four
[New] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]
 		Next In Thread >>

Strong Suit, Part Four


The story so far: Hallie, the Lair Legion’s computerized intelligence and tech support, has been given a robotic body by her friends Al B. Harper and Yuki Shiro. She has recently been using it to experience life as a three-dimensional being with vastly enhanced physical abilities. Meanwhile, Visionary and Mr. Epitome, two of Hallie’s other friends who may want to be more, recently returned from an adventure at Herringcarp Asylum where the Paragon of Power has learned that someone on the team is connected to the plot that cost him over a dozen years of memories. And looming in the background is a mysterious costumed villain known as Illusionous, who has recently begun a campaign of terror in Las Vegas.

“Fourteen thousand dollars?!” Hallie yelped into her cell phone, which so happened to be installed into her android body’s aural canal and mandible.

“You want me to open the park on less than twenty four hours notice during the off season and you expect it to be cheap?” the owner of Poseidon’s Adventure shot back.

Hallie had to admit the man had a point, “I, uh, need to think about it.”

After hanging up the green skinned woman sighed and absently stirred her coffee.

The door to the Lair Legion kitchen opened and Dominic Clancy walked in. He gave Hallie and polite smile and went to fill his own mug. After adding a dollop of milk he took a drink and asked, “What’s fourteen thousand dollars?”

“Nothing. I was just looking at how much it would cost to rent a water slide for an afternoon. That was the price I was quoted.”

Another sip, “Are you going to do it?”

Hallie shook her head, “I’d feel like a fool spending all that money on something so self-indulgent. It’s like when that guy rented the San Diego Zoo just for him and his actress girlfriend so he could ask her to marry him there.”

“You plan on proposing to someone?”

“Who are you, the Riddler? All these questions!” Hallie countered, but her tone softened when she saw Dominic smile, “I felt self-conscious about setting up such a weird day trip that would be just for me, and that was before learning the price tag. I’ll just wait until the park opens next spring.”

Dominic sat down on the chair opposite Hallie, “I must admit, I wouldn’t spend fourteen thousand dollars on a car, let alone at an afternoon at a water park, but if it’s something you want to do you should do it.”

“It’s foolish spending that kind of money on just myself,” especially now, where it seemed every day in the news there was news of Americans suffering as their lives were in upheaval by disasters natural and otherwise, the AI thought.

“You earned your money; you do whatever you want with it.”

“Really? Because I was thinking of making a sizable donation to the Green Party,” Hallie smirked.

“You’d get more of a return spending the money on lottery tickets, which I also wouldn’t recommend,” Dominic observed as he finished his coffee, “If the idea of going alone bothers you, don’t go alone.”

“It’s November. Who is going to want to shoot the rapids in forty degree weather?”

“I’ll go. Yo would probably go: s/he won’t be cold if s/he doesn’t want to be. Then there’s Yuki, Foxglove, Boaz if he has on a Bears hat, those two Australian knuckleheads who think they’re gods…”

“Donar and Harlagaz. You might want to be careful calling them knuckleheads.”

“My point is, even if your planned outing is strange and excessive, that seems to be the norm around here. So don’t be so reluctant in going forward with it, if it’s something you want.”

Hallie thought a moment. The man did have a point…

A sudden inspiration hit her, “Excuse me, Dominic: I’m going to go into the mainframe and see if I can track down Liu Xi.”

The Man of Might was surprised to hear Hallie reference the young elemetalist, “Why?

“To see if she can do something about the weather.”

*****


It took some effort on the young woman’s part, but it was possible for Liu Xi to use her ability to manipulate the Void to deposit an extremely localized warm front over Shymisky Falls, which meant the citizens of the Paradopolis suburb would enjoy unseasonably balmy temperatures that fall Sunday, after a certain knuckleheaded hemigod put a halt to what should have been a resultant downpour that comes when warm and cold fronts collide.

“’Tis a blasphemous contradiction of mine duties as hemigod of thunder to quell a raging storm,” Donar announced.

“But you’re doing it for anyway, for the orphans at St. Jude’s. Right, big guy?” Dancer inquired.

“Aye,” Donar looked happily at the cavorting hordes of youngsters that had been invited by the Legion to enjoy a day at Poseidon’s Adventure, “’Foreth the kids.”

Lisa purred as she observed the sight of a hirsute muscular god in Speedos, “For the kid in all of us,” she agreed.

From the top of the Trident Tower Hallie scooted herself forward on the mat she would ride down two hundred and sixty feet of water slide. With a powerful push of her mechanized forearms, she shot through the twisty, strobe-lit tubes and splashed down in the emptying pool hard enough to douse CrazySugarFreakBoy! and April Alice Apple as they tried to convince Yuki to join them for a threesome in the Tunnel of Eros.

After apologizing, the emerald hued android started to make her way towards the bungee drop. She looked over to the food court where Sir Mumphrey was treating several children to old war stories and banana splits. Then she saw them:

News vans, parked outside the park. And the cameras were coming in.

With an angry grunt Hallie made her way to intercept the Fourth Estate.

*****


“Who’s that coming? One of the Caphans?”

“She’s wayyyy overdressed to be a Caphan. That white unitard leaves too much the imagination.”

Hearing those comments from the approaching press did not improve Hallie’s mood. She had had enough of these snoops already, prying into the lives of the Legion, smearing the reputations of men and women who had risked so much so often. One man in particular. She was more than ready to tell the reporters that they were intruding on a private party when a voice from behind her stop.

“About time you got here,” Meggan Foxx drawled.

Hallie turned in surprise to the statuesque redhead click-clacking along at an impressive gait in her stiletto heels. She had on swimwear that would have made the Caphans go red (and several of the orphans spontaneously burst into puberty), and which did the job of making her an inescapable photo op.

The mother of CrazySugarFreakBoy! sidled up to Hallie and put a ranging arm around her shoulders, “Really, kid, you’ve done enough today. Let me handle the press. Its my job you know,” she said sotto voice before speaking to the media, “Hallie wanted to welcome you all to her little shindig, but the fact is she’s got more important things to do. Missy’s at the Little Squirt slide working up the courage to take her first trip down and who better to help the young lady out than our sponsor here?”

“Wait. What?” Hallie stammered.

“Close your mouth, darlin’, its not photogenic,” the Lair Legion’s media adviser whispered, “OK, boys. Where to you want me? The lighting looks pretty good over by that bench there…”

Hallie watched as the indefatigable Action Figure fielded questions from the reporters, holding their more prying questions at bay with a combination of Socratic wit and irreverent sass, all the while managing to stay on message.

The message being: that Hallie was one swell gal.

*****


“Almost got it,” Mr. Epitome told Glory as he attempted to disentangle the Dog Dynamo’s hair strand-by-strand from the wad of taffy stuck to her back.

‘Thank you for doing this. The candy is in one of my hard to reach areas,” she barked.

“Freakin’ kids,” Epitome grunted.

“I do not think that boy meant for it to get caught in my fur.”

“From the smirk on his face after it happened I’d say he’s guilty as sin.”

“Still,” Glory adjudged, “it was probably wrong to make him cry.”

“The little snot’s an orphan: I doubt the worst thing that’s happened in his life was a pointed lecture from a superhero.”

The Mutt of Might’s ears shot up, “What did you call yourself?”

Dominic, caught, stopped his ministrations momentarily, “Er…”

“Dominic.”

Both dog and man looked up to see a young green woman in a white one-piece bathing suit come around behind the changing cubicles.

“Hello, Hallie,” Glory wagged her tail in greeting.

“Hi, Glory. Dominic, when you get a chance, we need to talk.”

The Exemplary Man managed to carefully remove the gummy glob from his friend’s fur and gave her a heartening pat on the back, “Good as new. Could you excuse us, Glory?”

“I will go relieve Ham Boy from his baby-sitting duties at Sand Castle Island,” Glory announced.

After the Dog Dynamo was a respectful distance away Hallie began, “I just finished talking to Reverend Fleetwood. I asked him if he knew about the press coming here. He told me that you told him about it.”

“That’s true.”

“So you cooked this whole thing up?”

“Myself and Miss Hastings,” the Man of Might referenced Meggan Foxx’s birth name.

“Turning this entire day into a cheap publicity stunt,” Hallie charged.

“I don’t see it that way.”

Hallie felt the synthetic muscles in her brow instinctively furrow, “Dominic, the Lair Legion doesn’t do things like this to score points with the public. It’s…”

“What? Ignoble? Unheroic?”

“I was going to say tacky.”

Dominic shook his head angrily, “So what? The media is a valuable resource if manipulated correctly, and before you complain that its wrong to manipulate the press let me point out that nine times out of ten they want to be manipulated. And you can call me cynical for saying so but it’s the truth.”

Hallie observed that the big man in the Bermuda shorts was taking this much more personally than she would have expected, “Oh.”

“Also, we didn’t contact the television stations to drum up support for the Lair Legion. We did it for you.”

“Me? I didn’t ask for you-“

“Of course you didn’t ask. I wouldn’t have expected you too. But the fact is you’re a target now, Hallie. There are people in the government that see you as property and want to dismantle you. Anything that can be done to remind them or remind the public that you’re not just some machine, that you’re a sentient being, should be done.”

“Oh.”

“And since I knew you’d feel the way you do about exposing yourself like that I took matters into my own hands. I’d rather not see you taken apart like, like you’re not real,” Epitome’s voice grew low and tight, “If it hasn’t been apparent I care about you considerably.”

“Well, I care about you too, Dominic.”

It quickly became obvious to both of them that they were alone in a secluded spot standing very close together.

“Ahm, I should point out that Miss Hastings cares about you considerably too, but probably not in the same vein as I. Probably.”

Hallie stepped closer, “And what way is that, Dominic?”

And that’s when the Exemplary Man bent forward to kiss her.

*****


Dominic and Hallie walked towards the Lair Legion Limousine Bus hand in hand, “What’s the name of this place again?”

“Bud’s Country Lounge.”

“And there’s a band there you want to see?”

Hallie nodded, “A Johnny Cash tribute act. You like Johnny Cash. At least you did.”

“I love Johnny Cash. But… there’s going to be dancing, isn’t there?”

“Yes.”

Epitome squirmed, “Line dancing?’

“Yup.”

The Paragon of Power sighed, “Very well. Country music and line dancing it is. But I’m not wearing a cowboy hat.”

“Oh, I think you are.”

And the pair continued their gentle bickering to past their assorted teammates, to the back of the bus, where they sat and conferred in their own little world.

Next: I PROMISE to get to the superhero stuff. Evil villains. Death traps. Deeds of derring-do. And of course, that pesky other shoe falls. Out sometime this week.




bayou.lafourche.k12.la.us (68.186.239.40) United States
Microsoft Internet Explorer 5/Windows 98 (1 points)
[New] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]
Follow-Ups:

Echo™ v3.0 alpha © 2003-2006 Powermad Software
Copyright © 2004-2006 by Mangacool Adventure